I'm Just Saying

Hi y'all! Back to me. Today is a holiday, and im doing nothing. Just online and thinks! LOL. Boring, dude. I wanna tell you something about my friend. I dont even know, he/she is my friend or not -_- He/She's smart, exist, not really close to me, but we both know each other. Call em G. There's two person. The another one is K. Call em K. People says that K used to love G. But, K didn't admit it. And I hate it. Well, I trust K, but I know K is a liar. So, sometimes, things changed, doesn't it?

K is a special person. S/he means a lot for me. And I love 'em anyway, as best friend or more than that or less than that, i dont know, and i have no idea.

One day, there's a war between G and I, it's just a "hate each other" problem. And I tried to clarify the problem. The war was over. K helped me, but s/he said a sentence to G that i remember all the time. Somewords that maybe change my life forever. I dont know. I just feel something different, something bad, something makes me feel sooo sad. Never ever been this sad. Maybe all the problems sourced by me. I guess, maybe things gonna change forever. No one know about it. Just me. Only me. And it hurts me. Killing me inside. I wanna stop it, but I know I cant. And I won't do that. I know that it's wrong, but I do it anyway. I tried to yell out loud, to scream in my heart. But it doesn't make any change. "Somebody help me!" Could somebody help me? No. No one could help me. Even when they know I need their help. No one could ever help me. *yea, except Jesus* But, let's face it. Maybe this confusion will be over? I dont know. Or maybe, this confusion makes me sick and I'll suicide? I dont know either. Or maybe our friendship gonna be over? Maybe yes, maybe no.

Oh Jesus! I used to be a happy girl, nice, lovely, care, and kind. But, time passes too quickly. I dont even realize that I'm 14 right now. Christ! Just help me, Father. I know that you know me, as who really i am. No fake, no pretend. Just me. Maybe my lips can show the shape of lies. Maybe my tounge can split into fake facts. But my eyes, my heart, and my mind would never lies to me.

Back to the story, maybe it never ends. I dont know, haha, maybe you're confused because I always say "i dont know" cause I really dont know. Ergh, whatever. Everytime I see K and G, my heart beats faster and all this confusion back. Is it because of jealous? But why? I admit it, cause I dont know. :)

I wanna back to the past, and fix all my problems. But, after think about it I know I'll miss all I've done. Because experience is the teacher of everything. I want to be an indifferent, but I cant. I cant live with that. Maybe this end with this.

I know that I'm a fool, I'm a mushy girl, I'm not a perfect girl. But let's face it, because this is who i am and i'll never ever change.


~michelle averil~

source : www.michelleaveril.blogspot.com